oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
