so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
