We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
