hotel room ftw
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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