did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
