she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
