HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
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