Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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