You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
