So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
