Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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