if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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