Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I want a musical about memes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
