Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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