Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
