Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
