You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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