I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
