nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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