i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
