I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
