I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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