You can't motorboat a personality
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
