Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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