Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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