She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
