I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
