i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
