It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
