Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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