I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
