So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
