Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do vagina's smell?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
