dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
