Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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