we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
