What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I love you.
Bad choice
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