so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
