As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
