He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
