I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
