Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
