I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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