Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
