plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
