jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
jump out the window naked night went bad
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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