That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I stole a fireplace last night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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