Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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