Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
