He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
